The only reason she gave me a second thought was because the stress was about to kill her.
Something had to change.
When I first met Julie (not her real name), she was a successful woman who was still very strongly a Good Girl.
- She worked 65+ hours/week – and was always willing to help out a colleague.
- Julie was rather horrified when I asked why she didn’t focus simply on her work instead of doing so much of everyone else’s.
- She believed being a good team player meant helping others when they asked.
Julie’s home life was also consuming.
- Her husband and two teens kept her running ragged with requests for help.
- Julie was proud to be a good wife and a good mom.
I saw that her commitment to being such a Good Girl – a selfless servant who is responsible for everyone else’s feelings was about to take her out.
- Julie’s stress was through the roof and she was exhausted.
- She rarely had time to herself and worked late into the night to keep her family running smoothly.
Julie was NOT a fan of how I talked about being a Good Girl – BUT her doctor did some straight talking with her and nothing else was working to give her relief from the stress.
- It was quite a journey for Julie to go from a staunch Good Girl to an Empowered Woman with boundaries who lived a more Delicious Life.
- She had to let go of feeling guilty and BAD for not doing everything for everyone.
Julie got almost teary as she practiced saying NO.
(Who would she be if she didn’t always say YES and help her family and colleagues?”)
The day finally came and I challenged Julie to say NO to someone.
- I wasn’t sure if she would do it – but she did.
- And, to her shock, it wasn’t that big of a deal to the other person when she did!
We stacked her success. A few days of saying NO once a day – and then twice.
- Julie got more comfortable with saying NO.
- She discovered she was still a fabulous mom – and more effective at work when she said NO.
About two weeks after that very scary first NO, something shifted in Julie.
She decided she LOVED to say NO – and started doing so multiple times daily at work and home!
It’s been a few months, and Julie emailed me the other day.
- Her life is very different and much more delicious now.
- She’s getting solid sleep – no more late nights doing things her kids and husband can do.
- She’s also cut down her hours at work by focusing on her work – rather than doing her colleagues’ work so they don’t get stressed.
Julie closed her note proclaiming she’s no longer a Good Girl – and, “Saying NO is fun!”
I’m so proud of Julie for sticking with me and breaking free from those darn Good Girl Rules!
